Follow the Citizen Everywhere!!
The Citizen Hot List:
-
MILLIONS REUNITED WITH FAMILIES AS FIRST SCREENINGS OF “THE HOBBIT” FINALLY BEGIN RELEASING PATRONS
-
SENATOR WHO RECENTLY DISCOVERED HE HAS AN UNINSURED, CHRONICALLY ILL, IMPOVERISHED, GAY, IMMIGRANT, AFRICAN AMERICAN SON WHO WAS TRAGICALLY GUNNED DOWN AT A SCHOOL SHOOTING MAKES SUDDEN U-TURN ON SEVERAL KEY ISSUES
-
FAMILY SUES MICHELE BACHMANN AFTER FACT CHECKER’S HEAD LITERALLY EXPLODES DURING CONGRESSWOMAN’S 2013 CPAC ADDRESS
-
CITING WILD SUCCESS OF TACO BELL’S “DORITOS TACO LOCO,” VATICAN INTRODUCES NEW “NACHO CHEESE” AND “COOL RANCH” DORITO COMMUNION WAFERS
-
ABOMINABLE HOUSE
-
DICK MORRIS FIRED FROM E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION AFTER PREDICTING BIG OSCAR WIN FOR MITT ROMNEY
-
Earth Celebrates as Wayne LaPierre Single-Handedly Diverts Deadly Meteor with Bushmaster Rifle, 100 Round Drum
-
Pope Benedict XVI Resigns In Wake of Super Bowl Lip-Synching Scandal
-
GOP REVEALS NEW “COMPREHENSIVE” LATINO STRATEGY: PAUL RYAN NOW INTO ZUMBA
-
US Seeks International Sanctions Against Producers of “Movie 43″
-
COURT RULES DRUDGE, BREITBART OWE ESTATE OF ADOLF HITLER $57 MILLION IN BACK ROYALTIES
-
Ask An N.R.A. Landlord
-
Category Archives: Also Inside
MILLIONS REUNITED WITH FAMILIES AS FIRST SCREENINGS OF “THE HOBBIT” FINALLY BEGIN RELEASING PATRONS
(LOS ANGELES, CA) It’s been just over four months since eager early audiences sat down to the first screenings of the hotly anticipated film “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.” Sadly and surprisingly for many, those initial audiences are only … Continue reading
SENATOR WHO RECENTLY DISCOVERED HE HAS AN UNINSURED, CHRONICALLY ILL, IMPOVERISHED, GAY, IMMIGRANT, AFRICAN AMERICAN SON WHO WAS TRAGICALLY GUNNED DOWN AT A SCHOOL SHOOTING MAKES SUDDEN U-TURN ON SEVERAL KEY ISSUES
Senator Richard Starboard (R – Montana) announced a sudden u-turn on issues relating to health care, immigration, the social safety net, gay rights and gun control today after discovering the existence and tragic death of his son Tyrell Javier Fernando … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged GOP, hypocrisy, Satire, senator's son, the view
Leave a comment
FAMILY SUES MICHELE BACHMANN AFTER FACT CHECKER’S HEAD LITERALLY EXPLODES DURING CONGRESSWOMAN’S 2013 CPAC ADDRESS
(TAMPA BAY, FL) At a press conference held today, the attorney for the family of PolitiFact reporter Joshua Coleman formally announced that the family has decided to pursue an action for wrongful death against Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. As has … Continue reading
CITING WILD SUCCESS OF TACO BELL’S “DORITOS TACO LOCO,” VATICAN INTRODUCES NEW “NACHO CHEESE” AND “COOL RANCH” DORITO COMMUNION WAFERS
VATICAN CITY – The Vatican today announced a bold first step in its new plan to make the institutional Church more appealing to modern, Western Catholics — particularly those living in the United States. That step comes in both Nacho … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged Catholic church, communion, Doritos, pope, pope francis
Leave a comment
ABOMINABLE HOUSE
CLICK POSTER TO ENLARGE Click Image to Enlarge
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged Abominable House, Animal House, congress, GOP, Sequester
Leave a comment
DICK MORRIS FIRED FROM E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION AFTER PREDICTING BIG OSCAR WIN FOR MITT ROMNEY
(LOS ANGELES, CA) Dick Morris appears to be back on the job market after the Conservative Pundit’s short stint on E! Entertainment Television came to a rather abrupt end late Wednesday evening when he predicted that former Republican Presidential Candidate … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged dick morris, fox, fox news, GOP, oscars
Leave a comment
Earth Celebrates as Wayne LaPierre Single-Handedly Diverts Deadly Meteor with Bushmaster Rifle, 100 Round Drum
(WASHINGTON, DC) When it was discovered late Friday afternoon that Space Rock 2012 DA14 would not miss earth as scientists earlier predicted but would, in fact, impact its surface resulting in an extinction-level event — most of the planet’s population … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Leave a comment
Pope Benedict XVI Resigns In Wake of Super Bowl Lip-Synching Scandal
Pontiff Claims Ever-Widening Scandal Played No Role in Abdication (VATICAN CITY) Pope Benedict XVI announced in a press release Monday that he would resign on February 28th due to circumstances arising from his “advanced age.” He added, further, that “my … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged beyonce, lip-synching, pope, resignation, Satire
Leave a comment
GOP REVEALS NEW “COMPREHENSIVE” LATINO STRATEGY: PAUL RYAN NOW INTO ZUMBA
LUNTZ ANNOUNCES MOVE TO LATIN DANCE-FITNESS AT MAJOR PRESS CONFERENCE (WASHINGTON, D.C.) In recent weeks, moderate Republicans have been hard at work trying to craft a new strategy to decrease the Democratic Party’s overwhelming advantage within the American Latino community. … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged GOP, immigration, immigration reform, Luntz, paul ryan, Republicans, ryan
Leave a comment
US Seeks International Sanctions Against Producers of “Movie 43″
CLINTON TELLS U.N. “WORLD CANNOT LIVE UNDER THE LOOMING THREAT OF A ‘MOVIE 44‘” (NEW YORK, NEW YORK) In perhaps her last official act as Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton appeared before the U.N. Security Council today and passionately pressed … Continue reading
Ask An N.R.A. Landlord
“Broken locks don’t cause crimes, People cause crimes” Dear Unit 3: Got your messages about the busted lock on the front door. All of them. You don’t need to nag. I was going to get around to it. Christ. But … Continue reading
NRA REFUTES NEW LABORATORY STUDY SUGGESTING THAT GUNS DO, IN FACT, KILL PEOPLE
(CHICAGO, IL) Earlier today, National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre responded to a University of Chicago clinical trial suggesting that guns do, in fact, kill people with a terse and angry rebuke. “It’s nonsense — utter and complete nonsense,” a … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged guns do kill people, guns don't kill people, NRA, wayne lapierre
Leave a comment
INAUGURATION NEWS: KARL ROVE INSISTS OBAMA RSVP RESULTS SKEWED
PROMISES GOP EVENTS WILL DWARF THE PRESIDENT’S (WASHINGTON, D.C.) With President Barack Obama’s Second Inauguration less than a week away — and over ten days filled with official celebrations fast approaching — Democrats in D.C. are buzzing with excitement about … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged inauguration, obama, poll, rove, skewed, unskewed polls
Leave a comment
USAD REPORT PROVES LANCE ARMSTRONG KILLED JFK
* * CITIZEN FLASHBACK: “WILL HE ADMIT IT TO OPRAH?” EDITION * * OCTOBER 18, 2012 (COLORADO SPRINGS, CO) Embattled star athlete Lance Armstrong’s reputation took another major hit today when it was revealed that — in addition to lying … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged Grassy Knoll, JFK, Lance Armstrong, oprah, steroids
Leave a comment
Experts Suggest New Video Game Shipping With Fully Functional Assault Rifle Might Contribute to Gun Violence
(LOS ANGELES, CA) – A new “Limited Edition” release of the monster hit video game “Call of Duty: Black Ops II” has raised lots of eyebrows — and not just within the gaming community. While earlier releases of the Activision game … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged Call of Duy, gun control, NRA, video games
Leave a comment
Senators McConnell and Reid Arrested for Dine-and-Dash After Failing to Reach Agreement on Splitting Tab at TGI Fridays
Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) were arrested early Monday evening after leaving a DC area TGI Fridays without paying a dinner and drink bill reportedly valued at $58.72. The pair insist they … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged arrested, dine-and-dash, fiscal cliff, McConnell, Reid, TGI Fridays
Leave a comment
After Full Year of Inactivity, D.C. Coroner Designates Congress Legally Dead
In a somber press release issued earlier today, the District of Columbia’s Office of the Chief Medical Examiner confirmed the nation’s worst fears and announced that the once robust United States Congress is, indeed, clinically dead. “We did not embark … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged congress, coroner, fiscal cliff, Satire
Leave a comment
Peter Jackson to Direct Epic 10-Part Film Series Based on Children’s Classic “Goodnight Moon”
(LOS ANGELES) Peter Jackson may still be in post-production on the final installment of his three-part, nine-hour film version of the 250 page children’s classic “The Hobbit,” but it seems the prolific director has no interest in taking a break … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor
Tagged Citizen Schwartz, goodnight moon, hobbit, jackson, peter jackson, Satire
Leave a comment