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** ALSO IN THE NEWS **
- Citizen Special: Ask An N.R.A. Landlord
- Run Donald, Run!
- **BREAKING NEWS ** DONALD TRUMP’S HAIR-PIECE HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM “RACIST ENTREPRENEUR”
- In Rare Kumbaya Moment, Ousted Oklahoma Frat Boy and Girl’s Writer Lena Dunham Agree: Jews are “the Worst”
- For the fans of “How Did This Get Made?”
- DESPITE SCIENTIFIC CONSENSUS, MOST AMERICANS REFUSE TO BELIEVE TED CRUZ HAS LAUNCHED A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN
- **DEVELOPING ** ** Apple watch’s new processor rumored to allow consumers to double the rate at which they can trade privacy for convenience **
- Citizen Week in Review: Benjamin Netanyahu Emerges to Warn of Imminent Threat of Nuclear Iran, Signaling 6 More Weeks of Winter
- **Evangelical Christian Who Believes Kingdom of Israel Must Arise To Bring About the Rapture, Forcing Jews to Choose to Between Christianity and Hell, Is Pretty Sure Democratic Senators Who Missed Netanyahu Speech Are Antisemitic **
- NATION STUNNED AS RUDY GIULIANI TRANSFORMS INTO LITERAL CARTOON OF HIMSELF ON LIVE TELEVISION
- ** DEVELOPING NEWS: Informed He is Not White, Dinesh D’souza Denounces, Kills Self**
Author Archives: bj_schwartz
“Fix Your Door Lock!? Broken Locks Don’t Cause Crimes, People Do” Dear Unit 3: Got your messages about the busted lock on the front door. All of them. You don’t need to nag. I was going to get around to … Continue reading
At long last, the true origins of Donald Trump have been revealed. He was once a little boy named Eric Cartman who dreamed … and wished … he was big. No. Yuuuuuuuuge.