Category Archives: Breaking

The Hottest News

TEXAS DOCTORS FIND CATCH 22 – NOW PROVIDING ABORTIONS UNDER PROTECTION OF STATE STAND YOUR GROUND LAW

Posted on July 16, 2013 by The Citizen

Practitioners Pit Broad “Self-Defense” Law Against Recent Abortion Bans By Yelling “I’m in Fear For My Life” During Procedures AUSTIN, TX (CSN) – Conservative lawmakers in Texas were flummoxed today as abortion clinics throughout the Lone Star State reopened their … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor, TOP STORIES | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on TEXAS DOCTORS FIND CATCH 22 – NOW PROVIDING ABORTIONS UNDER PROTECTION OF STATE STAND YOUR GROUND LAW

PROMINENT GASTROENTEROLOGIST WORRIED ANTONIN SCALIA MAY BE “DANGEROUSLY FULL OF SH*T”

Posted on July 7, 2013 by The Citizen

WASHINGTON, D.C. (CSN) – Antonin Scalia is quite accustomed to his judicial decisions and legal writings generating sharp criticism and voluminous commentary.  Indeed, colleagues and commentators alike have long suggested that the often combative Justice takes great pleasure in enraging … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor, TOP STORIES, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on PROMINENT GASTROENTEROLOGIST WORRIED ANTONIN SCALIA MAY BE “DANGEROUSLY FULL OF SH*T”

MILLIONS REUNITED WITH FAMILIES AS FIRST SCREENINGS OF “THE HOBBIT” FINALLY BEGIN RELEASING PATRONS

Posted on April 7, 2013 by The Citizen

(LOS ANGELES, CA) It’s been just over four months since eager early audiences sat down to the first screenings of the hotly anticipated film “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.”   Sadly and surprisingly for many, those initial audiences are only … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , | Comments Off on MILLIONS REUNITED WITH FAMILIES AS FIRST SCREENINGS OF “THE HOBBIT” FINALLY BEGIN RELEASING PATRONS

SENATOR WHO RECENTLY DISCOVERED HE HAS AN UNINSURED, CHRONICALLY ILL, IMPOVERISHED, GAY, IMMIGRANT, AFRICAN AMERICAN SON WHO WAS TRAGICALLY GUNNED DOWN AT A SCHOOL SHOOTING MAKES SUDDEN U-TURN ON SEVERAL KEY ISSUES

Posted on April 5, 2013 by The Citizen

Senator Richard Starboard (R – Montana) announced a sudden u-turn on issues relating to health care, immigration, the social safety net, gay rights and gun control today after discovering the existence and tragic death of his son Tyrell Javier Fernando … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on SENATOR WHO RECENTLY DISCOVERED HE HAS AN UNINSURED, CHRONICALLY ILL, IMPOVERISHED, GAY, IMMIGRANT, AFRICAN AMERICAN SON WHO WAS TRAGICALLY GUNNED DOWN AT A SCHOOL SHOOTING MAKES SUDDEN U-TURN ON SEVERAL KEY ISSUES

FAMILY SUES MICHELE BACHMANN AFTER FACT CHECKER’S HEAD LITERALLY EXPLODES DURING CONGRESSWOMAN’S 2013 CPAC ADDRESS

Posted on March 24, 2013 by The Citizen

(TAMPA BAY, FL)  At a press conference held today, the attorney for the family of PolitiFact reporter Joshua Coleman formally announced that the family has decided to pursue an action for wrongful death against Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.  As has … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor, TOP STORIES | Tagged , | Comments Off on FAMILY SUES MICHELE BACHMANN AFTER FACT CHECKER’S HEAD LITERALLY EXPLODES DURING CONGRESSWOMAN’S 2013 CPAC ADDRESS

CITING WILD SUCCESS OF TACO BELL’S “DORITOS TACO LOCO,” VATICAN INTRODUCES NEW “NACHO CHEESE” AND “COOL RANCH” DORITO COMMUNION WAFERS

Posted on March 14, 2013 by The Citizen

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican today announced a bold first step in its new plan to make the institutional Church more appealing to modern, Western Catholics — particularly those living in the United States.  That step comes in both Nacho … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on CITING WILD SUCCESS OF TACO BELL’S “DORITOS TACO LOCO,” VATICAN INTRODUCES NEW “NACHO CHEESE” AND “COOL RANCH” DORITO COMMUNION WAFERS

ABOMINABLE HOUSE

Posted on March 4, 2013 by The Citizen

CLICK POSTER TO ENLARGE Click Image to Enlarge

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on ABOMINABLE HOUSE

DICK MORRIS FIRED FROM E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION AFTER PREDICTING BIG OSCAR WIN FOR MITT ROMNEY

Posted on February 22, 2013 by The Citizen

(LOS ANGELES, CA) Dick Morris appears to be back on the job market after the Conservative Pundit’s short stint on E! Entertainment Television came to a rather abrupt end late Wednesday evening when he predicted that former Republican Presidential Candidate … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on DICK MORRIS FIRED FROM E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION AFTER PREDICTING BIG OSCAR WIN FOR MITT ROMNEY

Earth Celebrates as Wayne LaPierre Single-Handedly Diverts Deadly Meteor with Bushmaster Rifle, 100 Round Drum

Posted on February 17, 2013 by The Citizen

(WASHINGTON, DC) When it was discovered late Friday afternoon that Space Rock 2012 DA14 would not miss earth as scientists earlier predicted but would, in fact, impact its surface resulting in an extinction-level event — most of the planet’s population … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Comments Off on Earth Celebrates as Wayne LaPierre Single-Handedly Diverts Deadly Meteor with Bushmaster Rifle, 100 Round Drum

Pope Benedict XVI Resigns In Wake of Super Bowl Lip-Synching Scandal

Posted on February 11, 2013 by The Citizen

Pontiff Claims Ever-Widening Scandal Played No Role in Abdication (VATICAN CITY) Pope Benedict XVI announced in a press release Monday that he would resign on February 28th due to circumstances arising from his “advanced age.”  He added, further, that “my … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Pope Benedict XVI Resigns In Wake of Super Bowl Lip-Synching Scandal

GOP REVEALS NEW “COMPREHENSIVE” LATINO STRATEGY: PAUL RYAN NOW INTO ZUMBA

Posted on February 7, 2013 by The Citizen

 LUNTZ ANNOUNCES MOVE TO LATIN DANCE-FITNESS AT MAJOR PRESS CONFERENCE (WASHINGTON, D.C.) In recent weeks, moderate Republicans have been hard at work trying to craft a new strategy to decrease the Democratic Party’s overwhelming advantage within the American Latino community.  … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on GOP REVEALS NEW “COMPREHENSIVE” LATINO STRATEGY: PAUL RYAN NOW INTO ZUMBA

US Seeks International Sanctions Against Producers of “Movie 43″

Posted on February 2, 2013 by The Citizen

CLINTON TELLS U.N. “WORLD CANNOT LIVE UNDER THE LOOMING THREAT OF A ‘MOVIE 44‘” (NEW YORK, NEW YORK) In perhaps her last official act as Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton appeared before the U.N. Security Council today and passionately pressed … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on US Seeks International Sanctions Against Producers of “Movie 43″

COURT RULES DRUDGE, BREITBART OWE ESTATE OF ADOLF HITLER $57 MILLION IN BACK ROYALTIES

Posted on January 30, 2013 by The Citizen

CASE BROUGHT BY ESTATE OF JOSEPH STALIN STILL PENDING  (MIAMI, FL) A Federal Court sitting in the Southern District of Florida today ordered Matt Drudge, The Drudge Report and the Breitbart News Group to pay the estate of Adolf Hitler … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Citizen Special: Ask An N.R.A. Landlord

Posted on January 24, 2013 by The Citizen

“Broken locks don’t cause crimes, People cause crimes” Dear Unit 3: Got your messages about the busted lock on the front door.  All of them.  You don’t need to nag.  I was going to get around to it.  Christ. But … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Humor | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Citizen Special: Ask An N.R.A. Landlord

NRA REFUTES NEW LABORATORY STUDY SUGGESTING THAT GUNS DO, IN FACT, KILL PEOPLE

Posted on January 23, 2013 by The Citizen

(CHICAGO, IL)  Earlier today, National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre responded to a University of Chicago clinical trial suggesting that guns do, in fact, kill people with a terse and angry rebuke.  “It’s nonsense — utter and complete nonsense,” a … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor, TOP STORIES | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on NRA REFUTES NEW LABORATORY STUDY SUGGESTING THAT GUNS DO, IN FACT, KILL PEOPLE

INAUGURATION NEWS: KARL ROVE INSISTS OBAMA RSVP RESULTS SKEWED

Posted on January 16, 2013 by The Citizen

PROMISES GOP EVENTS WILL DWARF THE PRESIDENT’S (WASHINGTON, D.C.) With President Barack Obama’s Second Inauguration less than a week away — and over ten days filled with official celebrations fast approaching — Democrats in D.C. are buzzing with excitement about … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on INAUGURATION NEWS: KARL ROVE INSISTS OBAMA RSVP RESULTS SKEWED

USAD REPORT PROVES LANCE ARMSTRONG KILLED JFK

Posted on January 14, 2013 by The Citizen

* * CITIZEN FLASHBACK:  “WILL HE ADMIT IT TO OPRAH?” EDITION * * OCTOBER 18, 2012 (COLORADO SPRINGS, CO) Embattled star athlete Lance Armstrong’s reputation took another major hit today when it was revealed that — in addition to lying … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on USAD REPORT PROVES LANCE ARMSTRONG KILLED JFK

The LaPierre Stand

Posted on January 11, 2013 by The Citizen
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Comments Off on The LaPierre Stand

Experts Suggest New Video Game Shipping With Fully Functional Assault Rifle Might Contribute to Gun Violence

Posted on January 8, 2013 by The Citizen

(LOS ANGELES, CA) – A new “Limited Edition” release of the monster hit video game “Call of Duty: Black Ops II” has raised lots of eyebrows — and not just within the gaming community.  While earlier releases of the Activision game … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Experts Suggest New Video Game Shipping With Fully Functional Assault Rifle Might Contribute to Gun Violence

Senators McConnell and Reid Arrested for Dine-and-Dash After Failing to Reach Agreement on Splitting Tab at TGI Fridays

Posted on January 1, 2013 by The Citizen

Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) were arrested early Monday evening after leaving a DC area TGI Fridays without paying a dinner and drink bill reportedly valued at $58.72.  The pair insist they … Continue reading →

Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Senators McConnell and Reid Arrested for Dine-and-Dash After Failing to Reach Agreement on Splitting Tab at TGI Fridays