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The Citizen Hot List:
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Citizen Special: Ask An N.R.A. Landlord
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Run Donald, Run!
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**BREAKING NEWS ** DONALD TRUMP’S HAIR-PIECE HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM “RACIST ENTREPRENEUR”
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In Rare Kumbaya Moment, Ousted Oklahoma Frat Boy and Girl’s Writer Lena Dunham Agree: Jews are “the Worst”
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DESPITE SCIENTIFIC CONSENSUS, MOST AMERICANS REFUSE TO BELIEVE TED CRUZ HAS LAUNCHED A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN
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Citizen Week in Review: Benjamin Netanyahu Emerges to Warn of Imminent Threat of Nuclear Iran, Signaling 6 More Weeks of Winter
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**Evangelical Christian Who Believes Kingdom of Israel Must Arise To Bring About the Rapture, Forcing Jews to Choose to Between Christianity and Hell, Is Pretty Sure Democratic Senators Who Missed Netanyahu Speech Are Antisemitic **
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NATION STUNNED AS RUDY GIULIANI TRANSFORMS INTO LITERAL CARTOON OF HIMSELF ON LIVE TELEVISION
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** DEVELOPING NEWS: Informed He is Not White, Dinesh D’souza Denounces, Kills Self**
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GDK GAMING CONFERENCE V.R. SHOCKER
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PROPHET MUHAMMAD NAMED NEW CITIZEN EDITOR IN CHIEF
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New Madden NFL 2015 Game Update Includes Domestic Violence MiniGame
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PROMOTIONAL PARTNER
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** ALSO IN THE NEWS **
- Citizen Special: Ask An N.R.A. Landlord
- CARTMAN-TRUMP
- Run Donald, Run!
- **BREAKING NEWS ** DONALD TRUMP’S HAIR-PIECE HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM “RACIST ENTREPRENEUR”
- In Rare Kumbaya Moment, Ousted Oklahoma Frat Boy and Girl’s Writer Lena Dunham Agree: Jews are “the Worst”
- For the fans of “How Did This Get Made?”
- DESPITE SCIENTIFIC CONSENSUS, MOST AMERICANS REFUSE TO BELIEVE TED CRUZ HAS LAUNCHED A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN
- **DEVELOPING ** ** Apple watch’s new processor rumored to allow consumers to double the rate at which they can trade privacy for convenience **
- Citizen Week in Review: Benjamin Netanyahu Emerges to Warn of Imminent Threat of Nuclear Iran, Signaling 6 More Weeks of Winter
- **Evangelical Christian Who Believes Kingdom of Israel Must Arise To Bring About the Rapture, Forcing Jews to Choose to Between Christianity and Hell, Is Pretty Sure Democratic Senators Who Missed Netanyahu Speech Are Antisemitic **
- NATION STUNNED AS RUDY GIULIANI TRANSFORMS INTO LITERAL CARTOON OF HIMSELF ON LIVE TELEVISION
- ** DEVELOPING NEWS: Informed He is Not White, Dinesh D’souza Denounces, Kills Self**
Category Archives: Filter
CITING WILD SUCCESS OF TACO BELL’S “DORITOS TACO LOCO,” VATICAN INTRODUCES NEW “NACHO CHEESE” AND “COOL RANCH” DORITO COMMUNION WAFERS
VATICAN CITY – The Vatican today announced a bold first step in its new plan to make the institutional Church more appealing to modern, Western Catholics — particularly those living in the United States. That step comes in both Nacho … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged Catholic church, communion, Doritos, pope, pope francis
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ABOMINABLE HOUSE
CLICK POSTER TO ENLARGE Click Image to Enlarge
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged Abominable House, Animal House, congress, GOP, Sequester
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DICK MORRIS FIRED FROM E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION AFTER PREDICTING BIG OSCAR WIN FOR MITT ROMNEY
(LOS ANGELES, CA) Dick Morris appears to be back on the job market after the Conservative Pundit’s short stint on E! Entertainment Television came to a rather abrupt end late Wednesday evening when he predicted that former Republican Presidential Candidate … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged dick morris, fox, fox news, GOP, oscars
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Earth Celebrates as Wayne LaPierre Single-Handedly Diverts Deadly Meteor with Bushmaster Rifle, 100 Round Drum
(WASHINGTON, DC) When it was discovered late Friday afternoon that Space Rock 2012 DA14 would not miss earth as scientists earlier predicted but would, in fact, impact its surface resulting in an extinction-level event — most of the planet’s population … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
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Pope Benedict XVI Resigns In Wake of Super Bowl Lip-Synching Scandal
Pontiff Claims Ever-Widening Scandal Played No Role in Abdication (VATICAN CITY) Pope Benedict XVI announced in a press release Monday that he would resign on February 28th due to circumstances arising from his “advanced age.” He added, further, that “my … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged beyonce, lip-synching, pope, resignation, Satire
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GOP REVEALS NEW “COMPREHENSIVE” LATINO STRATEGY: PAUL RYAN NOW INTO ZUMBA
LUNTZ ANNOUNCES MOVE TO LATIN DANCE-FITNESS AT MAJOR PRESS CONFERENCE (WASHINGTON, D.C.) In recent weeks, moderate Republicans have been hard at work trying to craft a new strategy to decrease the Democratic Party’s overwhelming advantage within the American Latino community. … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged GOP, immigration, immigration reform, Luntz, paul ryan, Republicans, ryan
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US Seeks International Sanctions Against Producers of “Movie 43″
CLINTON TELLS U.N. “WORLD CANNOT LIVE UNDER THE LOOMING THREAT OF A ‘MOVIE 44‘” (NEW YORK, NEW YORK) In perhaps her last official act as Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton appeared before the U.N. Security Council today and passionately pressed … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged Clinton, movie 43, UN, United Nations
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INAUGURATION NEWS: KARL ROVE INSISTS OBAMA RSVP RESULTS SKEWED
PROMISES GOP EVENTS WILL DWARF THE PRESIDENT’S (WASHINGTON, D.C.) With President Barack Obama’s Second Inauguration less than a week away — and over ten days filled with official celebrations fast approaching — Democrats in D.C. are buzzing with excitement about … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged inauguration, obama, poll, rove, skewed, unskewed polls
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USAD REPORT PROVES LANCE ARMSTRONG KILLED JFK
* * CITIZEN FLASHBACK: “WILL HE ADMIT IT TO OPRAH?” EDITION * * OCTOBER 18, 2012 (COLORADO SPRINGS, CO) Embattled star athlete Lance Armstrong’s reputation took another major hit today when it was revealed that — in addition to lying … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged Grassy Knoll, JFK, Lance Armstrong, oprah, steroids
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The LaPierre Stand
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
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Experts Suggest New Video Game Shipping With Fully Functional Assault Rifle Might Contribute to Gun Violence
(LOS ANGELES, CA) – A new “Limited Edition” release of the monster hit video game “Call of Duty: Black Ops II” has raised lots of eyebrows — and not just within the gaming community. While earlier releases of the Activision game … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged Call of Duy, gun control, NRA, video games
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Senators McConnell and Reid Arrested for Dine-and-Dash After Failing to Reach Agreement on Splitting Tab at TGI Fridays
Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) were arrested early Monday evening after leaving a DC area TGI Fridays without paying a dinner and drink bill reportedly valued at $58.72. The pair insist they … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged arrested, dine-and-dash, fiscal cliff, McConnell, Reid, TGI Fridays
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Peter Jackson to Direct Epic 10-Part Film Series Based on Children’s Classic “Goodnight Moon”
(LOS ANGELES) Peter Jackson may still be in post-production on the final installment of his three-part, nine-hour film version of the 250 page children’s classic “The Hobbit,” but it seems the prolific director has no interest in taking a break … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged Citizen Schwartz, goodnight moon, hobbit, jackson, peter jackson, Satire
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Old Man McCain’s White House Haunting Foiled by Dog, “Meddling Kids”
(WASHINGTON, DC) – An unusually raucous and animated White House press conference today ended with the revelation that spooky events surrounding the now infamous “Curse of the Benghazi Ghost” were not legitimate paranormal happenings, as previously thought, but rather a … Continue reading
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged benghazi, Humor, mccain, old man mccain, politics, Satire, scooby, scooby doo, susan rice
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Les Miserables Coulter
Posted in Also Inside, Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged ann coulter, coulter, les mis, les miserables
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MittMovies!
The Citizen is happy to announce a new home for all of your MittMovie Poster needs. So, to check out the SAY ANYTHING remake poster (starring none other than the GOP presidential candidate himself), click on the image to the … Continue reading
Posted in Filter, Uncategorized
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Mitt Romney Makes Final Pitch to Swing Voters: “I Too Am Undecided”
With under two weeks to go in the 2012 presidential race, Republican Mitt Romney is making a surprising closing argument to America’s undecided voters. While most commentators expected Romney to reject the notion that he has shifted positions precipitously throughout … Continue reading
DÉJÀ BUSH
It’s Deja Bush at the movies.
Posted in Breaking, Filter, Humor
Tagged george bush, george w bush, grover norquist, Humor, Looper, loopholes, mitt romney, politics, romney, taxes
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