Tag Archives: Humor

Perplexed Clarence Thomas Unsure Why He Can’t Get a Cab

Posted on August 26, 2014 by The Citizen

(WASHINGTON, DC) – Clarence Thomas has confirmed reports circulating today that the Supreme Court Justice had an inexplicably difficult time hailing a cab in Southeast D.C. late this afternoon.  The Justice, who has held prestigious and high paying leadership positions … Continue reading →

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Old Man McCain’s White House Haunting Foiled by Dog, “Meddling Kids”

Posted on December 6, 2012 by The Citizen

(WASHINGTON, DC) –  An unusually raucous and animated White House press conference today ended with the revelation that spooky events surrounding the now infamous “Curse of the Benghazi Ghost” were not legitimate paranormal happenings, as previously thought, but rather a … Continue reading →

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Mitt Romney Makes Final Pitch to Swing Voters: “I Too Am Undecided”

Posted on October 28, 2012 by The Citizen

With under two weeks to go in the 2012 presidential race, Republican Mitt Romney is making a surprising closing argument to America’s undecided voters.  While most commentators expected Romney to reject the notion that he has shifted positions precipitously throughout … Continue reading →

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DÉJÀ BUSH

Posted on October 22, 2012 by The Citizen

It’s Deja Bush at the movies.    

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UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT STRIKES DOWN AFFIRMATIVE ACTION, REMOVES CLARENCE THOMAS FROM UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT    

Posted on October 14, 2012 by The Citizen

(WASHINGTON, DC) – A narrowly divided Supreme Court today broke with four decades of prior case law and held that corporations and institutions may not take racial diversity into account in any way whatsoever when weighing admission or hiring decisions. … Continue reading →

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MITTMENTO

Posted on October 9, 2012 by The Citizen

You see, he has this condition …                                       Click Image to Enlarge                     … Continue reading →

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After Bruising First Debate, Obama Leaves Campaign Trail, Enters Intense 80’s Training Montage

Posted on October 5, 2012 by The Citizen

(Siberia, Russia) After a bruising defeat in the first major brawl of the political season, Barack Obama — the unlikely President who came out of nowhere to dethrone Hillary Clinton four years ago — is returning to first principles. Leaving … Continue reading →

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*Breaking Health News* In Wake of Presidential Debate, Millions of Republicans Seek Medical Help For Erections Lasting More Than Four Hours

Posted on October 5, 2012 by The Citizen

(Washington, DC) Reports have been flooding in all over the country concerning an epidemic of priapism amongst Republican viewers of Wednesday night’s Presidential Debate.  The numbers are unprecedented and doctors offices are feeling the strain. “I didn’t even know what … Continue reading →

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The Citizen Schwartz Fall TV Round Up: What Not to Miss Part 1

Posted on October 1, 2012 by The Citizen

The Citizen Schwartz entertainment division has been hard at work previewing the big fall schedule.  Here’s a short list of “can’t miss” television coming up this week. BLUES CLUES: SVU (NICK – Mon. 6/5c) Cute Animated Dog “Blue” helps his … Continue reading →

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A Concerned Dan Savage Tells Mitt Romney “It Gets Better” In Moving New Video

Posted on September 28, 2012 by The Citizen

(SEATTLE, WA) – Normally political commentator and activist Dan Savage does not spend a lot of time worrying about the rich and powerful.  However, the soft-hearted author of Savage Love today found himself needing to send a message of hope … Continue reading →

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Nation Reels as Rush Limbaugh Revealed to Be 30 Year Long Andy Kaufman Prank

Posted on September 26, 2012 by The Citizen

(PALM BEACH, FLA) When Rush Limbaugh’s official publicist announced the conservative pundit would be hosting a nationally televised press event Monday morning, everyone knew something big was coming.  But nobody knew how big. Walking up to the microphone after a … Continue reading →

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